Poncho Rebuttle

One day, a while back, I sent this image to my friend Zack Beauvais:

He responded with a press release:

In response to this as well as Kris's Twitter post, I release the following official statement:

The statistical research supporting the supposed inherent hazard of wearing ponchos is dubious at best and is overwhelmingly funded by xenophobic, anti-immigration activist groups.  There is no clear evidence linking ponchos to kitchen fires, gang activity, or sexual deviancy.  In fact, there is substantial support presented in the occupational safety literature for the contrary.  Hyman et al. 1985 points out that since the introduction of ponchos into the U.S. marketplace in 1918 fatalities in both the meat packing and garment industries have decreased by over 97% - not to mention the substantial decrease in infant mortality during that same period of time.  There is a strong mandate among the poncho wearing population to stem the tide of anti-poncho hate speak in the national vernacular.  As an out-spoken individual for the cause of poncho technology what you and your cronies are doing goes against every tenet set forth by our founding fathers.

Best,

Zack

If you couldn't understand before, this is why I love Zack. He's quick, funny, and with a style all his own.